I am on a journey...
This is a blog post all about ME... Lindsay Ann Schneider Barratt. I need to write some things down that I have had on my mind, I hope I can convey accurately how I am feeling. I am happy, I am content, and I am excited on my right hand and I am very scared, humbled and overwhelmed on my left hand. I am experiencing feelings i dint know i was capable of and i am scared that by expressing these emotions i will steer some friends and some family members away from me. I am pretty sure I am the luckiest gal around with the family I have (Johns and my own family members) therefore I would be broken without each of them in my life.
I have been taking the missionary discussions for the past 11 months, yes this may come as a surprise to some of you. I am a member of the LDS church although I have not had the proper knowledge to make a choice for myself until this past year. We have had our friends Eric Harrison and Chris nukaya teaching our discussions. They are our ward missionaries and our friends. they love me, they know me and they still love me. They are truly men of god and they want to see me succeed and be happy. I will never forget the lessons these two men teach me. They take time out of their daily grind of 8 children, school and work to tell me about God. They do not take their calling lightly. These two men are examples to me of how members of the LDS faith should be. And how I want to be.
ok back to me...
I am excited because I know this is where God wants me to be... I am content because of the feelings I feel when I am progressing... And I am happy because of the moments when lights turn on in my head. I figure if this isn't the only true church when I get to heaven I know that there is no harm in what I am doing. There are only things that help me learn, grow, praise god, be a better wife and raise my sons. What is the harm in that.
I am scared because I don't want people to call me a hypocrite because of things in my past (all tooo recent past), I am scared to have people think I would judge or criticize them for me wanting to change. (that is NOT the case) and I am scared to loose my open mind and acceptance of ALL people. I am humbled to realize all the things I have not been doing to please God and I am humbled to try and hike my sorry butt back to the iron rod. I have always been an accepting person and that will never change in me. I always want to help people and have an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I am still that person. I will not judge. trust me it is tiresome enough trying to keep myself in line then having to place judgement on others. And finally I am overwhelmed to think of all the things I need to be better at. I am overwhelmed wondering if I can go the rest of my life obeying the word of wisdom, I am overwhelmed wondering if I am really strong enough to be an example to others, I am extremely overwhelmed in wondering if I can have faith enough to believe the things I cannot see. And finally I am overwhelmed in my new calling in the Primary presidency. I am grateful for the job and happy to serve although I feel totally unworthy of such a calling.
Now I am not even sure what all this means, I know I feel good about things and I know I don't ever want to live without this knowledge. I know how my home feels during family prayer, family home evening and scripture reading and I know that I love Heavenly father and Jesus Christ. So for now this is my journey.
Most importantly I love my family. I love Johns family. I love my kids and I LOVE JOHN! Pray for me. Heaven knows I need it.
I have been taking the missionary discussions for the past 11 months, yes this may come as a surprise to some of you. I am a member of the LDS church although I have not had the proper knowledge to make a choice for myself until this past year. We have had our friends Eric Harrison and Chris nukaya teaching our discussions. They are our ward missionaries and our friends. they love me, they know me and they still love me. They are truly men of god and they want to see me succeed and be happy. I will never forget the lessons these two men teach me. They take time out of their daily grind of 8 children, school and work to tell me about God. They do not take their calling lightly. These two men are examples to me of how members of the LDS faith should be. And how I want to be.
ok back to me...
I am excited because I know this is where God wants me to be... I am content because of the feelings I feel when I am progressing... And I am happy because of the moments when lights turn on in my head. I figure if this isn't the only true church when I get to heaven I know that there is no harm in what I am doing. There are only things that help me learn, grow, praise god, be a better wife and raise my sons. What is the harm in that.
I am scared because I don't want people to call me a hypocrite because of things in my past (all tooo recent past), I am scared to have people think I would judge or criticize them for me wanting to change. (that is NOT the case) and I am scared to loose my open mind and acceptance of ALL people. I am humbled to realize all the things I have not been doing to please God and I am humbled to try and hike my sorry butt back to the iron rod. I have always been an accepting person and that will never change in me. I always want to help people and have an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. I am still that person. I will not judge. trust me it is tiresome enough trying to keep myself in line then having to place judgement on others. And finally I am overwhelmed to think of all the things I need to be better at. I am overwhelmed wondering if I can go the rest of my life obeying the word of wisdom, I am overwhelmed wondering if I am really strong enough to be an example to others, I am extremely overwhelmed in wondering if I can have faith enough to believe the things I cannot see. And finally I am overwhelmed in my new calling in the Primary presidency. I am grateful for the job and happy to serve although I feel totally unworthy of such a calling.
Now I am not even sure what all this means, I know I feel good about things and I know I don't ever want to live without this knowledge. I know how my home feels during family prayer, family home evening and scripture reading and I know that I love Heavenly father and Jesus Christ. So for now this is my journey.
Most importantly I love my family. I love Johns family. I love my kids and I LOVE JOHN! Pray for me. Heaven knows I need it.
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